minor pain

i was three when she died. i remember her death better than i remember her i hear the hum of the refrigerator makes the room cold and sterile we're wild flowers staring infinitely at the road she is green, then red, then green, then red then red again and forever he picks me up and i hold on to him we go to a diner where there is probably a waitress named brandee who used to be a prostitute and she still is sometime he puts a gun in my face i only see the barrel like a young god he takes the gun and puts it to his head and blows his finite (not infinite, not infinitesimal, not zero) out on the seats and the girls hair behind him.